Understanding Innocence and Experience

I'm going to step away from the Path Forging entries for a moment to talk about innocence, what it means, and what constitutes a state of innocence in a spiritual sense of the word. The description of someone as an "innocent" can be very provocative and for me personally, engenders feelings of fierce protectiveness that stems from an as of yet unknown source. It's a charged term, laden with meaning no matter what your path may be. It implies one who is ignorant of the darker side of spiritual matters and indeed of life itself.

There is an expectation that children will be to, varying degrees, spiritually innocent and without a concept of the darker shadows of their spiritual selves. As it should be. However, there comes a time for most of us when spiritual innocence no longer applies as a descriptor. There comes a time in our lives when we are exposed to and recognize the darker side of our spiritual existence. This exposure may come as a gradual, gentle understanding that all is not love, peace, and kindness... or it may come in a violent tumult in which one is forced to deal with the ugliest aspects of spiritual development without warning or assistance. How we cope with this loss of innocence affects our paths in the future and can shape not only our spiritual selves, but how we deal with our mundane lives on a daily basis.

What constitutes spiritual innocence in an adult? At what point does innocence turn into willful ignorance? Should an adult indeed even possess a state of spiritual innocence? These questions have come up recently and I've been chewing over them, trying to get a better grasp on my own feelings. As someone on a solitary, self-forged pagan path, my own state of spiritual innocence is so far removed from who I am now that it is only the vaguest of memories. Personally, I'm not mourning for it. Spiritual innocence, in my case, was a weakness, an Achilles' Heel that prevented me from understanding my own worth and value.

Understanding our own innocence or lack of thereof is a relatively simple thing, but how do we gauge the innocence of others? Two friends recently had an interesting discussion that brought up the question of spiritual innocence in the case of someone who was seeking someone to cast a spell that was decidedly dark, dark grey. One person argued that the seeker was an innocent who was not familiar with concepts like dark magic, karma, the three-fold law, etc. While it could be argued that the seeker is ignorant of the practice and ethics of magic, I have trouble thinking in terms of this person as an innocent. Being born and raised in Western culture and now an adult in a position of responsibility, I'm fairly certain that the seeker has been introduced to concepts like the golden rule, "you get what you give", and "what comes around goes around." The language and terms are not the same, but the underlying concept is the same. In this case, I'd call it willful ignorance, not innocence.

Even when we can determine the state of spiritual innocence and experience in others, the question is what do we do with that information? Is spiritual innocence something to be cherished and preserved for as long as possible? Or is it something to be quickly banished in favor of a fuller understanding of all aspects of spiritual existence? As usual, I seem to have more questions than answers when applying the idea to my own path. Such is the search for understanding...

Path Forging - Divine Work, Geas, and Taboos

In the last Path Forging post, the questions revolved around what it means to serve deity and what forms that service might take. For many of us, service to a deity means that not only are we expected to do work on their behalf, but also that we face one or more geas or taboos as we do so.

So, a few questions to ponder:

• Does deity demand that you work on their behalf? If so, what is the nature of this work?
• Does your deity have expectations of things that you will do at their request?
• Does deity impose rules, restrictions, or limitations on your behavior and actions?
• Are taboos or geas a part of your path?
• Does your deity explain the reasons for such prohibitions?
• What are the consequences of breaking one?

Although, I've posed only a few questions, my answers to them may take a little more space than usual. My patron goddess does indeed demand that I do "her work", but her work in its most basic sense involves living and acting in a way that is true to my own soul. It is her will that I make the most of the gifts that I have been given and share those gifts with others in ways that are appropriate (i.e., not harmful or destructive).

In a way, it seems quite simple. Be true to my innermost self and I can't go wrong. The problem is that being true to who I am is not always a simple matter. Like many other human beings, I don't always know or understand what it is that my soul was born to be or to do. It can be difficult to determine if what I want to do is simply a product of logical thought or something more fundamental. Part of my inner work is to figure out, with her guidance and the aid of others, what it is that my fundamental being is meant to be doing. With her help (and those guided by her), I have come to understand that my work for her is to include teaching, healing, guiding, nurturing, protecting, and stewarding. This does not mean that my vocation needs to be one of doctor, peace officer, or teacher. It simply means that I must find my own ways to do these things as a part of my day-to-day existence.

There are geas that affect what I do, but for the most part, they aren't open for public discussion (a geis about geas!). Sometimes the reasoning behind them is explained and sometimes it is not. Many take the form of "I (Herself) will allow a, b, or c... if you abide by rules x, y, and z." I am, for example, allowed to exercise whatever mediumship abilities that I may have, but there are things that I must heed in order to continue to do so: 1. This gift may not be used solely for my own profit, 2. I must help those She sends to me who need assistance in matters regarding spirits and hauntings, and 3. I cannot seek out or initiate contact with certain souls that I've known in this life. The penalty for failing to follow these rules is that I temporarily lose the ability to sense, see, and communicate with those who have passed. Yep, my life gets weirdly complicated at times. :)

Path Forging - Serving Deity

Our conversations about deity continue with this lastest Path Forging post and I'd like to shift the focus to how we may or may not serve the deities which we follow.

• Does your deity require you to serve them in some manner? If it is not demanded by your god(s), is it a requirement of your path or your own personal desire to serve deity?
• What forms does service to deity take?
• If it is not required (either by deity or your path), do you still seek ways to serve your deity?
• Does serving deity affect your day-to-day life? If so, what impact does it have?
• Does service to deity take higher priority than other types of service (e.g., to your country, to your community)?
• If you refuse to serve deity, are there consquences or penalties?
• Does service bring you closer to deity or help in spiritual development?

I will likely have more to say about my personal outlook on serving deity in the next Path Forging post, but I do serve my patron deity at her bidding and as she wills it so. My service to her takes priority over other forms of service, yet there is rarely a conflict, as it is usually her will that I serve others when my help is needed. This means that, at her bidding, I often find myself serving my community or assisting individuals.

Refusal to serve is an option open to me, but if I do so, it is with the full understanding that she will not sheild me from the consquences of any refusal that I choose to make. We aren't talking about being cast into some stygian darkness for disobediance. Rather, it is reality that she provides no small amount of protection and guidance to me and will not hesitate to remind me of what it means to stand alone without her blessing. I have, for a period, walked my path without her guidance. For me, this is not some form of hell or divine retribution, just a life made more difficult than it needs to be, an existance without the grace of divinity present.

Path Forging - Communicating with Deity

Perhaps you've noticed that the Path Forging entries are becoming quite focused on Deity. The relationship between human and deity is one that is, I think, both the simplest and most complex one that any of us will ever experience. At its most basic, this relationship is one of belonging... us to our gods and our gods to us. At its most complex, the relationship can be one that is, at least for we humans, difficult to navigate.

As in all relationships, communication is the key to making things work. Communication with deity varies through history and across cultures, yet is a vital part of worship for many. Some questions regarding the subject follow:

• Do you communicate with deity?
• What form(s) does that communication take?
• Is this communication formal and ritualized or more casual?
• Is regular communication with deity important to your path?
• Can a person communicate directly with deity or is it necessary to have a mediator such as a religious leader or spiritual guide to facilitate communications?
• Does deity respond to your communications? What form do these responses take?
• Who typically initiates communication? You or your deity?
• What types of information are communicated between you and your deity?

I'll keep my answer short and simple: yes, I communicate directly and often with multiple deities. That, I think, is enough of answer, as my primary purpose is not to share my experiences, but to spark each person to think about their own experiences and answers.

Path Forging - Dedicating to a Specific Deity

As we progress down our spiritual paths, we may come to a crossroad in which it becomes appropriate or even necessary to dedicate ourselves to the service of one or more deities. While it may seem simple on the surface, choosing to follow a particular deity can create a new set of questions.

• Whose decision is it when a person dedicates to a specific deity? Is it entirely up to either the worshipper or deity? Or is it a case of mutual agreement?
• Is a formal dedication or declaration necessary to follow a deity?
• Is it even necessary to dedicate oneself to a deity?
• Is it necessary to ask a deity's permission and/or blessings before declaring oneself a follower of that particular deity?
• Does dedicating yourself to a specific deity alter your ability to work with other deities?
• Does your patron deity require that you seek permission before working with other deities?
• If you regularly work with or are dedicated to more than one deity, what happens if there is a conflict of interests between those deities?

I can only speak from my own experiences as I ponder these questions. My patron goddess choose me, I believe, but also has given me the choice of whether I accept her patronage and permission to give up that patronage at my choosing. For me, there was never a conscious formal dedication; I am and have long been simply Hers. This patronage existed long before I became aware of it and it seemed only to be a matter of my recognizing the relationship and making the decision to embrace that relationship.

Because I am claimed by her, my interactions with other deities are affected, although the impact isn't horrible. She does not claim, as some deities would, that she is the only deity and that divine worship is to be hers alone. However, there is an expectation, both hers and mine, that I submit to the will of other deities only with her blessing. There are other deities with whom I have forged a working relationship and whom I feel I can call upon if necessary. Always, though, it is her will that has ultimate rule over me, as it should be.

Ah, The Crucial Question

"Will you walk the road to your destiny, or must the Gods drag you to it unwillingly?" ~Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Mists of Avalon

Life, or to be more precise about it, my life, seems to be a web folded in upon itself. Points that seem to be disparate connect in unexpected places with other seemingly unlinked spots. In this sticky folded mass of interconnectedness, it happens sometimes that a particular idea or notion will stick in several places and it seems that even though I go in a different direction, the same notion will appear again and again. Whether meant to be omens or merely interesting distractions, these things happen more and more frequently as I grow older.

Take the quote from above for example. I stumbled across this particular quote written on slip of paper in a journal. More precisely (and why it gains enough significance to be written here), the journal belonged to Andy and recently came into my possession. The paper on which he'd written these lines was actually my business card. It made me laugh, because being unwillingly dragged by the Gods was how I ended up with Andy back in my life in the first place.

A few days later, I finally decided to read The Mists of Avalon. When I read the now familiar quote in the book, it was hard to know whether to laugh or cry. Life, again my life anyway, is full of these strange co-tangents of seemingly unrelated moments connecting at a single point. Nearer to winter solstice, I had the warning that things were going to change and that I could either embrace those changes or struggle against them. In either case, the warning was clear- the changes would happen whether I willed them or not. So the question becomes the one that Bradley has asked. Do I willingly walk my path or be dragged down it, arriving in the end at the same destination?

Path Forging - Relationships with Deity

The subject of humans' relationship with deity is a profound one, covered in countless texts and chewed over in countless debates and discussions. Ironically, I also just addressed this question from my own perspective on TC earlier today. It is a subject worthy, I think, of consideration by anyone who believes in the existence of deity.

Some things to ponder:

• What is the nature of your relationship with deity? Is it one of parent/child, student/teacher, partners, or something entirely different?
• Is fostering this relationship important to your path?
• If you are polytheistic, do you favor one deity over others?
• Do you limit yourself to a particular pantheon of deities?
• How did you come to know or be aware of your deity/deities?
• Did you choose the deity you worship or was he/she/it/them chosen for you?
• Does your relationship with deity ever falter? If so, how do you repair it?
• Are there deities with whom you have an adversarial relationship? If so, what is the source of those feelings? How do you deal with that deity?
• If you are dedicated to a single deity, is it conceivable that you would work with other deities?

Yes, there are a lot of questions there. To answer the first of them, I'm just going to quote what I posted to TC, rather than compose a whole new response: When it comes to my primary deity, I am daughter, sister, partner, student, partner, devotee, soldier, employee, and handmaiden all at once. Yet that doesn't quite cover it. It's a complicated relationship, but really, it can be simply stated: I am Hers... of her, belonging to her, and devoted to her. What form that relationship takes largely depends on the circumstances of the moment and what is needed.

The remaining questions I'll treat as rhetorical for the sake of time and space here.